Gimme, gimme, gimme

Throughout the book of psalms, and really the whole Bible, we find oracles of lament, or hope, or woe. While the formats vary, generally, these include a invocation, a reckoning, and an acknowledgement of the ultimate goodness of God. In this oracle, I kept to the overall structure, while challenging our expectation of the format and tone.

[Hold music playing - ABBA]

There's not a soul out there
No one to hear my prayer

Hi, is this the Complaints Department?
I have one I'd like to register.
Your product, Happiness, is not working as promised.

What seems to be the defect you ask?
Well I bought it because the description said this was the best product to help make the world make sense, feel less lonely, save the rainforest, and the polar bears, cure poverty, and ensure I wouldn't have to buy another thing again.

Well, I agree, that's a lot, but that’s what your advertisement said, and all those reviews confirmed it, and your corporate website said you were a mission-driven purpose-directed organization who wanted to make the world a happier place.

But, look, this product, Happiness, it isn't working. Australia is on fire, those cute cuddly koalas don't have homes anymore, and my heart hurts.

Oh you've shipped them some fire retardant with free one-day shipping? That’s so great! And water too? Aww I saw a video of a man giving a fire-scorched koala bottled water and it made my heart melt.

Wait, I’m getting off track here. The world still feels really topsy-turvy.
Nothing makes sense. The ice caps melt year-round. Flowers bloom in January.I keep voting but nothing changes.

Oh, you'd like to invite me to a special customer research panel where I can share all of my thoughts so products are better tailored to concerns of folks like me? And I get paid? Cool!

No, wait, no. I don't know.
Can't you use that money to help people?

How is this curing poverty?
Everywhere I turn folks are asking me for a dollar, telling me it costs six months wages to just get a tooth pulled if they don't have insurance, saying hi to me every day from the same small tent that went on bluelight special two years ago and I only know that because they ran ad that made me want it really badly even though it wouldn't fit in my small subletted room in brooklyn. Oh, I’m sorry what were you saying? If I just change the URL when I shop on your site you'll donate some pennies to charity?

How exactly does that work? And why don't you just donate it yourself without that URL business? Wait, how much money do you make off me exactly?

No, no, stop talking. Just stop talking and filling my head with your words. Stop telling me there's another product I can buy to make this better when you haven't even helped me figure out what's wrong with the first Happiness product you sold me.

No! Please, please, stop reading that script! Something is off. Really off. How many things have I purchased from you? When did I buy Happiness? When did I start wanting? Did I want to want? Did you make me want? Did you only show me what could be 'fixed' with your stuff, your ideas, your methods?

Can I return 'this'? What do you mean, "what is 'this'?" This! This endless, self-generating, never-satisfied desire.

Say, who is in charge over there? No, not your boss. I mean who’s The Big Boss?

Abba? Like the band? Is that where they've been all these years? Oh, sorry, Ah-ba. More like ah-ba-bahumbug. Well whatever, put that person on would ya? Yeah, let me talk to em. I don't care if they’re in a board meeting, you and I know you're bored of this meeting so put Abba on. Yes I'll wait.

Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight
Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight
There's not a soul out there
No one to hear my prayer

What, seriously, this is the hold music? Okay well, let me think, what am I going to ask the Big Boss? “Fix this!” No that's not specific enough. “Recall the product!” Eh. “Unsubscribe!” Alright, now we're talking. “Deprogram me!” Yeah!!

Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight

Hi, is this ABBA? Sorry, Ah-ba.
Look, this product of yours. Happiness. It's the pits.

Tell you when it started to go wrong? Well for a bit there everything seemed really good, you know? I felt happiness as soon as I hit ‘Buy now’. I was over the moon when it arrived.
What do you mean you’re not in charge of the Happiness suite? Aren't you in charge of the whole thing? You know like the wholeeeee thing. What do you mean this all happened on your lunch break? How long is your lunch break?

Well, yeah, anyway, you see, I don't want this. No, not just Happiness. I don't want ‘this’. This endless need for stuff. I don't want anymore ​‘Gimme gimme gimme.’​ I don't remember when I first subscribed to this box of gimmes, but has to stop multiplying out of control.

Cuz, see the thing is, the other day I was reading something.

You know, about cobalt and batteries and electronics and mines in the Congo and child labor. And I don't know, Boss, things just started to unravel. Like I could see through a glass, dimly, and then I could see, and I knew: it me!

I'm the problem.

I want and I want and I want and I like what I have yet I still want more. And I don't really want to change.

You can help? Is this another product line? Oh, it's something outside of the product world. It'll hurt? That's fine. It already hurts. But your promise it'll work? I'll feel but won't want so much? I’ll give a damn after midnight? Alright. I trust you.

If it works I promise I'll write you a 5-star review.

Thank you.

Gimme, gimme, gimme a damn after midnight
Won't somebody help me
Chase the shadows away
Gimme, gimme, gimme a damn after midnight
Take me through the darkness
To the break of the day.